Building Self-Esteem: Waiting for permission

I have a tendency to swear…alot. Some see it as a bad habit but I personally have no issues with it. However, I’m always curious how others react when I do swear.

Some get offended as it conflicts with their beliefs/value system; some get a little ‘judgey’ and attempt to put me down for using a bad word. However, I’ve also noticed others start to swear with me despite not normally doing it.

Now this could simply be environmental adaption, where we adjust to match the present situation. But other times I feel that by choosing to be congruent and expressing myself naturally, others feel it is OK to do the same and start to talk more freely.
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Building Self-Esteem: Use your words

I have a very low tolerance for any form of bullshi*t and I’ve found many of my clients share this. One of the reasons why therapy is so effective is the congruent nature of the relationship…there are no masks, no filters and no agenda.

My client Peter felt deeply detached from his family. They lived in a self-contained bubble of delusion where there were unwritten rules about how and when to communicate, what topics could be discussed and how everyone must adhere to a hierarchy of importance (he was far from the top).
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Building Self-Esteem: Challenging Guilt

The factors which influence our self-worth varies MASSIVELY.

It can range from “Biological” considerations, such as not being comfortable with our own bodies or being judged for how we look. It could be “Social” influences, such as being treated badly by a family member, friend or partner. Or it could be “Psychological” factors, such as negative beliefs ingrained during childhood which conflict with our adult actions and desires. In many cases, it is all 3 working together to keep our self-esteem boxed in.

One client I am working with (I’ll refer to her as Paula) is struggling with guilt over being unfaithful in her former marriage (she is now divorced but felt she did not deserve a new partner now). The relationship with her husband was loveless and he treated Paula disrespectfully for many years before she started an affair.
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How dysfunctional is your dysfunctional family?

I have yet to meet anyone who thinks their family is “normal”. When I discuss anything to do with dysfunctional families, I’m always fascinated by the range of responses as I share my thoughts. While a large number are appreciative of my understanding of how they might be experiencing the dysfunction and how they might cope, this is not always the case. Some react defensively, feeling the need to protect their family from the threat of any changes to the status quo. Others wear their family like a badge of honour, proud of the fact they are different and struggle with hardships others may never have to face. Continue reading “How dysfunctional is your dysfunctional family?”