Building Self-Esteem: Waiting for permission

I have a tendency to swear…alot. Some see it as a bad habit but I personally have no issues with it. However, I’m always curious how others react when I do swear.

Some get offended as it conflicts with their beliefs/value system; some get a little ‘judgey’ and attempt to put me down for using a bad word. However, I’ve also noticed others start to swear with me despite not normally doing it.

Now this could simply be environmental adaption, where we adjust to match the present situation. But other times I feel that by choosing to be congruent and expressing myself naturally, others feel it is OK to do the same and start to talk more freely.

I personally feel the biggest challenge in life is to be 100% ourselves 100% of the time. We have been conditioned to express ourselves based on how others think we should as opposed to what feels right for us.

Abandonment and alienation are our greatest fears, and these drive our need to be liked. Our need to be liked can cause us to compromise our communication style accordingly. And when we do this, the person we are engaged with is getting a filtered version of you.

It took a lot of work to resolve my own fears around abandonment but as I did my relationships slowly started to change. As I no longer waited for permission to express my truth, others felt it was safe to do the same. Unguarded, we could just be ourselves and despite not always agreeing, both our feelings of self-worth grew.

As adults, we need to stop waiting for permission: to let go of a past problem, to make an important life decision and to just be you.

The real irony is what happens next. Instead of abandonment, you may find people are drawn to you more than ever out of respect for your bravery or simply because they are now seeing you as you ARE and not the version you may projected before.

So is it time you gave yourself “permission” to be you?

Take care


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