Wearing the inside out

In the last few months I’ve come across quite a few couples breaking up. These were the type of relationships which everyone would have expected to go the distance but it wasn’t meant to be. The real tragedy is, in most cases, both parties are lovely decent people but over time they just drifted.

And now they find themselves single and hurt. They put on a brave face, but the signs of heartbreak are they; they are a little distracted and not fully listening; they smile but its forced and they tend to spend personal time alone.

This triggers memories of when I single, a particularly tough time as I was living alone working through my own issues.

With that in mind, here’s my advice for anyone who is single and lonely:

1. Weather the storm.
There is no pain like a broken heart. It can’t be compared to anything else. But like every injury, it heals in time. When the hurt comes up, accept it, embrace it, cry if it feels right. Then get back on the track of day to day living.

2. Force yourself to go out.
There were evenings when I just wanted to sit on the sofa and watch TV. The last thing I wanted to do was go out and socialize. But I did it anyway, mostly just for the distraction but I even surprised myself by having (brief) moments of laughter.

3. Remember the bad times.
There will be times when you may doubt the decision to break up and nostalgia kicks in. You might even feel like calling your ex. It’s important you stay grounded and remember why you broke up in the first place. Don’t repeat the cycle, accept the new path you’re on (no matter how dark it might feel now).

4. Use the time.
This is your time to grow, develop, re-invent yourself. Exercise, study, travel, take up a new hobby, whatever you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t because of the commitment.

5. Going on a date.
A date is not a marriage proposal, its just 2 people meeting up and getting to know each other. The truth is I learned more about myself by going on dates and meeting new people. If you get on, you may have a new friend for life; if you don’t, it’ll make a great story.

I’ve rarely seen a breakup which wasn’t the right thing for both parties. It’s hard when feelings are raw, but in time, it might be the best thing ever to happen to you.

I wouldn’t have met my amazing girlfriend if I hadn’t gone through the shit times. Who knows who you’ll meet at the end.

Hope this helps
Karl